New experiences in Dani-ness (aka...things that happen to Dani that cause people to laugh at her...)

It had been a weird week for me. To start, I volunteered for the night shift at my best friend (and future sister in law) Tabatha's house so she could have some uninterrupted-by-her-son sleep. I didn't have to work the next day, so catching up on sleep the next day when she left for vacation wasn't a big deal to me.

(If you're reading this Tabatha, know that I'm laughing the entire time I'm writing this... ;)
The shift started with a bottle, a diaper change, and a reminder of how Logan likes to wake up...a lot. Like, a lot a lot. Like, every other hour a lot. Again, sleep was not a big deal. So I threw down an air mattress next to his bassinet and prepared to lay waking. This is not as hard as you might think because my newborn nephew is the NOISIEST sleeper EVER! It's not even the crying, because he didn't even cry that whole night. It's the grunting. It's the moaning. It's the constant shifting of baby blankets against his onesie. Worse than that...it's the anticipation of wailing like a Norwegian sailor that comes before the poop and everlasting hunger for a bottle of the house white (wine connoisseurs feel free to snicker...anytime...). Once I finally realized Logan was doing the baby equivalent of tossing and turning I went to sleep for an hour before he ACTUALLY woke up and got hungry. This happened just before Tabatha had to get up anyway so it was perfect timing. When Tabatha asked me how her son had behaved for me I started to say, "Oh he was fine! No prob..." and was promptly met with "OH! HE WAS AN ANGEL! HAVE HIM OVER ANYTIME! Of course he behaved for YOU! I don't even want to hear it!" After we laughed for a good five minutes at the circumstances we dressed and changed and fed the baby before his first road trip across the state to Gramma's House.

My first week at work was fine. Mentally I can handle the job because I learn things quickly. In less than 12 hours I had the basics of the job down. The next few days I nearly mastered the to-do list that goes with the position I was trained for. Before the week was over I was working unsupervised and independently at the utter amazement of my bosses. I have found that if you and your trainers don't treat your job like it's rocket science, you go about things a lot quicker. Unless your job IS rocket science. In which case, um, I wish you the best of luck. I can't help you there...

At the end of the week everything above the calves was in shape for carrying heavy trays and large caraffes of coffee (oh come on, like THAT took any training on MY part...carrying large caraffes of coffee...SHEESH!). Everything BELOW the calves, however, well that's another story. You know that feeling you get in the middle of the night when you feel a Charlie Horse coming on? My calves feel like the everyday now. My feet are so swollen that when I elevate them they feel like they are draining fluid back down into my legs and back into my brain...maybe they are... My arches feel like they have needles in them, and don't get me started on my heels. They don't feel anything. Not even boiling hot water. Is this bad? Tonight I decided to celebrate my night off with a long bath in hot water, baby oil, and creamy body wash. If there are seven circles of Heaven...then I was at number 6. I gave myself a good face scrubbing, and followed with a mint julep avocado mask. You're to leave it on for 15 minutes then rinse it off with warm water and a wash cloth. Any girl who has tried these knows that after five minutes...you are mummified. You can't smile, talk, laugh, or make any expression of happiness, joy, anger or sadness. That's how hard the mask gets. I told Tyrell to let me know when it had been 15 minutes since he was sitting NEXT TO A CLOCK.

...half an hour later...
I can't figure out why...oh why...my face is burning and I can no longer feel my cheekbones. When I asked Tyrell if it had been 15 minutes I hear him whimper from the bedroom, "Umm...yeah...it...it would be about that time!" I quickly rinsed of the mask and commenced beating him in the head with a pillow. He couldn't look at me without laughing and remembering the fact that when I had the mask on...I couldn't physically glare at him in anger. Fauna, my pug, now keeps trying to lick my face because she thinks it smells like the mint ice cream I occasionally buy...that she tries to steal.

Overall, things are great. I'm happy to be an Aunt, I'm happy to be employed, happy to have a clean face, and I'm happy knowing that in a few paychecks I can go spend $150 on the kind of shoes that nurses wear 12 hours a day. Good night everyone!